I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
