Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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