Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
