I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
