No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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