Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
