look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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