so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
