Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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