if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
