How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
