can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
