Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
