i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
