And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
