Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
