She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
