forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
