what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
