Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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