Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
