Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
