Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
