I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
