just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
