i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
