saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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