I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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