Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
