pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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