Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
