dude i'm inner monologue high
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
