Can i not drive my cunt home
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize