Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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