I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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