I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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