honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize