I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
