Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
