Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
