How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
