I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
