thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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