why didn't you poke me back
i just wanna soil my oats bro
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
