Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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