he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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