It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
