She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
