the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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