I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
