Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
