Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
