the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
