so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
