I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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