maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
