Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Say something about gay babies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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