I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
