I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
