Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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