I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found your dick twin last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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