why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
