A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
