I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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