i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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