just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
