Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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