i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
