Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
